Just worked out. I feel good. I needed to get back into my routine of pushing myself while still taking care of myself.
I still won't weigh myself for at least the rest of the week if not for 2 weeks. When I have my period I look disgusting and I haven't been doing well the past 2 weeks.
I woke up early today, made coffee, breakfast, and started making lunch, worked out, showered, finished making my lunch and snack and even cleaned a bit. I need to get myself straight again.
I keep thinking about Omar. The fact that he's been thinking about me for 12 years and in his mind I am someone special. I don't know how I feel. I used to really like him and he wasn't interested in more than sex so I just transfered my feelings to my jackass co-worker. But after all this time and all he's said I just don't buy that he just wants sex. I think he doesn't want a relationship because of the shit he's been through but...but but but. I don't know I am thinking about this and trying to decide what to do. I have no idea where I am going with this.
Ugh I just want to move back to NYC and leave this shit behind me.
I started taking aspirin to help my heart since I have done so much damage through drug use and purging. Of course what I need to really do is stop the drugs and purging period.
Hahaha God I got to work and discovered I am covered in cat fur and look like shit. Nice. Damn cat lol.
OH shit we just got info for insurance at work and my boss just randomly passed them out. But they actually had employee names on them with our SS# and SALARY and my coworker ended up with mine. Great now he might know how much I make which is like $10,000 more than him. Shit. Hahaha whatever this is ridiculous.
We had a little potluck here ate work. It was fun but I had 3 mini cupcakes. I can't let that make me feel bad though. I enjoyed chatting with my other coworker so that was fun. I am making an effort to make new friends where I can. I need to open myself up.
Man my coworker is so pissed off now that he knows how much I make. He is barely even looking at me. Well motherfucker, maybe you shouldn't have laughed at me when I said I was going back to school and sneered about how it was a waste of time. You shouldn't have mocked my mother for going to get her MBA either. You are an undereducated asshole so shut the fuck up. And if you base your "friendships" on whether you out-earn the other person, you are shallow and pathetic and will end up with no one.
And this is the motherfucker who gets to come in late and leave early every fucking day. Who wore jeans every day for 6 months without ever getting written up or even talked to. The guy who got 2 raises and a promotion in like 6 months when they refused to give me anything. But I fought for myself and worked hard and now he's pissed. And he's pissed he actually has to turn in his PTO forms for being out sick a whole week. he thought he would just slide by like he always does. He spends more time flirting and fucking around than being professional and trying to better himself. His good looks won't carry him much further. He is 27 and going downhill as far as health and physical attractiveness due to his constant cigarette and pot smoking. He has recently had to start working whole days and he hates it. He is such a fucking spoiled asshole that it annoys me that I liked him so much. Making new friends in the office will make me not miss being friends with him. I just hate being alone sometimes.
And so ends the seemingly never-ending drama of my coworker and me.
8:32 a.m. - 2011-03-03
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