Just binged and drank about 1700 calories. i don't care.
I am so happy because I went to take my BC pill and the cup I thought was filled with tea was actually full of wine! I was sad because I was out.
I need to start my homework soon.
And bake cookies for school!
I have until 6 PM (or I guess 5:30 PM) tomorrow. I will do the paper today and the cookies tomorrow morning.
I love drinking. It makes me feel better about myself. But it sucks because I can drinks o damn much and not be drunk. I honeslty don't remember where this wine came from. I want more. I am so broke though. I could maybe get one cheap steel reserve but I can't go back to the gas station. They just saw me. And it's Sunday so I can't buy liquor. I need to just deal with it and stop drinking for today and the rest of the week. I have shit to do and I don't want to get fatter. I want to look good for Omar when I see him. If I see him. i told him i can't afford to see him which is 100% true. I am too broke to book a bus ticket over there and pay for a hotel because he won't let me into his apartment. I am the dirty secret. Oh well soon I'll be in NYC where I don't have to be the other woman or the dirty girl. I can just be me.
I'm nice I think. Sometimes. I care about people a lot. This stupid BPD sucks because it makes you overly critical and you think everyone is out to get you and use you. It's hard to have a relationship. I go from adoring to hating a person within minutes. I used to think I had bipolar disorder because of the mood swings. But it's BPD. Stupid shit. That's why I use my diary so much. So I don't lash out at people so much anymore. And I turn my phone off and erase numbers so I don't drunkenly and angrily text people. It has helped. I don't go out as much anymore. I am alone a lot but much happier. Because I'm not hurting people so much. Who cares if I am ever loved. I love others and want them to be happy.
2:40 p.m. - 2011-02-13
Recent entries:
- - 2016-03-14
Still alive - 2016-02-14
- - 2015-11-05
- - 2015-10-02
- - 2015-09-09
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
julymalaise
usb-port
alethia
englishsucks
lisasays
moodswing
fat0free0air
cloudy-night
atwowaydream
silver4
enurta
soon
warpednormal
ecstasia
limes-sugar
hungry-hippo