Going to buy more alcohol. i woke up sober and started to panic. I don't feel comfortable here. i started thinking and closed my blinds so no one could see me. i need to drink so I can do my homework and be normal. I do not like my routine to be interrupted.
I actually was feeling fine for a while. Once I get used to that asshole living over here I will be fine again.
Selfish freak. I am so angry. __________ I have my alcohol and feel so much better just holding the bottle in my hands, I began crying while walking home. Not on purpose. The tears just came. Sometimes I feel that people are out to get me trying to ruin my life or punish me. But that is just ridiculous. Just like when i think people like me or think i am awesome. It's an illusion. I just need my alcohol and will relax. My other best friend hasn't called me once. We were supposed to hang out today. he abandoned me so I say fuck you to him. What a piece of shit sometimes. He only wants to see his boyfriend. every since I started losing weight he has been distant. he and his boyfriend loved mocking me for being fat. They knew about my bulimia. The friend was anorexic so very competitive even though he is recovered. As soon as I got thinner and looked good he flipped out. His boyfriend would say I used to look bloated. He would laugh at me. I do think i need to not update so much. I think i should switch to my other diary for a while. I cannot imagine anyone wants to read this shit.
6:21 p.m. - 2011-02-13
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