Argh I need advice!
Well today was a crap day. I am super bloated, fat as fuck and my face looks like a potato or some other oddly formed fat thing.
Works sucks as always. I always feel like I am behind or fucking something up.
My coworker asked me what I was doing this weekend and said we should hang out Saturday. I was like yeah sure. Inside I am like "grreeeatt. I get to hang out with him and his friends and his girlfriend." I am sure she is hot and short and lovely and way better than me in every way. I am debating what to do. If I get super drunk I might say something inappropriate but if I am too sober I won't have fun and I'll feel awkward. Either way it will suck and I am sad. I should have said I was busy. I didn't actually expect him to ask em to hang out so I was honest and said I wasn't doing anything. I guess when he said we would smoke weed this weekend he wasn't blowing me off. Fuck.
Now I have to figure out what to wear. Not slutty not too sloppy either. I have no idea where we are going or who is going. I don;t know how I am going to get there or home since I don't drive (he knows that.)
I should be excited. Hanging out with the dude I like on the weekend woohoo. But I realize nothing is going to happen (like ever. Even in an alternate universe.) soooo I feel like shit and I DON"T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!!
I wish he had just said tomorrow. Then I would have all Saturday and Sunday to feel sorry for myself and sad and fat. I would have time to b/p my feelings away.
Why am I always stuck in the friend role? Even when i don't try (hello he called me out on flirting with him and said he didn't mind. Obviously he sees nothing there.)
Well hopefully after this weekend I will finally get it through my head that he will never be interested in me. Maybe he has a hot friend at least.
Weight wise I am 164. I can't seem to get under 160. I barely eat during the day but binge or b/p and drink at night. I need to start working out again. That really helped me before.
I am currently drinking some $3 shiraz from wal-mart. It is lovely and cheap. I am debating whether to smoke since I am running low on weed.
7:07 p.m. - 2010-06-17
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