Hating my job more every day. Breaking into tears at work more than once a week is above my pain threshold.
I had meetings and a proposal to go out and website stuff to do (only the proposal part is what i was actually hired for). I am working well above my pay--and experience--grade.
I have come in 90 minutes early every day and stayed late too. With stupid meetings in the middle. Yesterday I was waiting on a conference call that I was told I HAD to be on. The call never came. Totally interfered with my work day.
My coworker was being nice to me for some reason. Pity I assume. He offered to take me to FedEx like Monday in anticipation of today. I told him to just go home like 7 times but he wouldn't. Does he feel that sorry for me? Sometimes I feel like George Constanza; maybe pity IS underrated. He offered to get papers signed for me and was trying to make me feel better. Yep that's pity. After he took me to FedEx I asked if he wanted to smoke and he said no because his "friend" was "meeting him to play basketball." but that we would definitely smoke "this weekend or tomorrow." Ummm yeah I am not that fucking stupid. Getting blown off sucks always. But getting blown off in such an obvious and ridiculous fashion is pathetic. He claims he stays up for hours playing games on his phone. Seriously if you have that much free time I am amazed.
I am back to 165. Fucking fat shit why can't I get below 160? I do have my period right now but I should still be losing something. I have been daring to eat at work again. That is a no no. My pants are looser but I look and feel fetter than I did at 191. I am ashamed to even look at a mirror anymore. I just cray about how disgusting I am and think about how sad I am to be alone.
8:45 a.m. - 2010-06-17
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