The familiar and comforting shame and embarrassment I usually feel when i like someone has finally hit. Now I am ashamed to think anyone would want me and how dare I even try. I am fat and old and hideous and insane. Now I will happily crawl back into my self-created hole and apologize to the world for existing.
I was back up to 166 after binging all weekend due to smoking and general laziness. I keep telling myself that the numbers are the only thing that matter. Calories, pounds, dollars and cents. IQ points and GPAs. If I can't measure it, then it does not exist. Life is easier that way.
9:51 a.m. - 2010-06-14
Recent entries:
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Still alive - 2016-02-14
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