I drink so much because my so-called "intelligence" is a burden. Mensa member, 132 IQ. Has gotten me no where in life.
All it does is make me more aware of the shitty state of my life and the world. It makes my self-esteem plummet. I know I am unworthy.
I am supposed to be beautiful. Good bone structure and pretty eyes have gotten me no where in life.
I drink to forget, to cope, to handle to mundane parts of life.
I get fatter and sadder. And think about how many times I have skirted death. Woken up reeking of alcohol oozing through my veins. 15+ drinks a day. God seems to want me here.
Or it's just luck.
I am so pitifully broke. Payday loans and Ramen meals.
I am so alone. Longing after boys who don't want me and love to rub it in my face. Talking about their girlfriends or dates or life outside of me. They know and they revel in hurting me. They smile when my eyes become clouded with tears or when they see the hint of pain on my face.
No one-and I do mean no one-will truly love me. Once you know me, you loath me. How can I make the pain stop?
8:59 p.m. - 2010-06-01
Recent entries:
- - 2016-03-14
Still alive - 2016-02-14
- - 2015-11-05
- - 2015-10-02
- - 2015-09-09
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
julymalaise
usb-port
alethia
englishsucks
lisasays
moodswing
fat0free0air
cloudy-night
atwowaydream
silver4
enurta
soon
warpednormal
ecstasia
limes-sugar
hungry-hippo