Sitting here trying to will myself not to google my current crush so i can see pictures of him and his girlfriend and vomit over how hot she is and how happy they look. I think i thrive on making myself cry.
In other news back down to 166 after I was 171 Sunday. Goal is 160 by the 24th. It could happen but since i tend to binge heavily on the weekend maybe I' try for the 26th. I definitely need to be under 160 by the 28th so I can enjoy memorial day.
I feel as fat as ever. I was 191 in January. I've lost 25 pounds and am inching closer to my former set weight of 150. My low weight was in the throes of massive b/ping and restricting. That was 135 (well I hit 132 once but I don;t know if that counted. Perhaps a faulty scale)
I have more muscle than before so I actually look thinner than I am.
I have my period so I hope when it's done I'll lose a few more pounds.
I am at the point where I actually am choosing weight loss over alcohol. At one point I drank every day for 5 months straight. I was throwing up every day from hangovers. I was puffy and miserable but U couldn't stop. I finally did to replace it with another vice.
I am lonely and wish I could find someone to love me. How sad and small of me but it's true.
9:46 p.m. - 2010-05-18
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