So I managed to gain 7 lbs in one day (Sunday) and then lost 3 or 4 so I am 173 right now, I keep dipping under 170 and jumping back up to 180. I can't believe in college I was 140 and in high school I was 135. What the fuck happened to me? Too little purging and exercising, too much eating and too much alcohol I guess.
I was at work from 10:30 AM to 9:30 PM and no i don't get overtime. I will be there at 8 or 8:30 AM tomorrow til 6 at least. I was there after my boss left and got locked in the building. After frantically calling her I finally got out but realized I had lost one of my other keys. FML
During work the guy that I like (who has a girlfriend of course, God I am so high school with my stupid crushes) is my new smoking buddy even though I have been trying to quit. See I will risk my health just to hang with a boy for like 10 minutes. Loser. He randomly asked me if I liked working there and told me the people he didn't like. I was like ummm OK. I like it but I suck so I will be fired and he was like nooo. (haha I write like a 16 year old vallery girl. Good grief). It is to the point where he tells me to shut up because I am being ridiculous and I smack him when he is being ridiculous. Haha soon we'll be like brother and sister, exactly what I wanted *sarcasm*. I bet his girlfriend is short with big boobs and long hair and is not annoying and fat and bulimic alcoholic borderline personality disorder cutter like me.
It is 90+ degrees and I have to wear long sleeves because of all my scars. It is gross. Being black (african american) my scars are actually black like the real color. I have been using fading cream for months and they still look awful. Oh well not like that is the worst part of my body anyway.
High school guy/fuck buddy is coming over Friday and I don't even care. I have moved on to a new crush because this dude ignored me and laid in my bed after fucking me and told me that I would hate the next chick he fucks. Really fucking classy you piece of shit. I finally decided I didn't want to deal with that. Now he is asking me if I am excited he is coming (no) and why I am so quiet (I ignored him). Like seriously I am not here just to make you feel good about yourself. i am feelings as shitty as they are and I deserve to be treated nicely sometimes.
I have had 500 cals of food today and am drinking a steel reserve because I am poor but must drink. I really don't care what happens anymore. I just don't want to die fat.
10:26 p.m. - 2010-05-10
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