Yay so I totally screwed up at work last week. I am a proposal writer so I am supposed to create and send in proposals for our services. I created one and forgot one of the fucking forms. They are all time sensitive so I was screwed. I tried overnighting it as soon as I figured it out and it was 13 minutes late so we are disqualified. Of course I was hoping they would just not say anything and let us be fucked but no they called one of our directors to tell her who then called my boss who called me.
I broke down and cried and feel awful. She was nice but I know I screwed up and I suck at everything as usual. I feel so fucking stupid right now. She was nice enough to say she wouldn't tell our CEO. Great.
In other news I somehow developed a crush on one of my co-workers, whoops. Of course he has a girlfriend and of course I am gross anyway but still. Anyway i am going to the Spurs game on Friday (Go Spurs Go!) by myself because did I mention I am a loser? And guess what? He is going with his fucking girlfriend and knowing my luck I will run into them. Fuck me dude.
Also I am still fat. Like 171 pounds and 34% fat. All I want to do is drink and drink all day. I think I need to cut out the food and up the alcohol ingestion. My favorite thing to do now is get drunk and pass out by 9 PM if I can. Being awake reminds me that I am still alive and fat the feeling of my own skin.
And as always I am broke and taking out payday loans to try to fix my shit. I can't ask my mom for more money. I am fucking 29 almost 30 years old.
I have been told I am a perfectionist but how can I be if I am nowhere near perfect? I need to work harder. I can never be too hard on myself. Not until I stop screwing up.
5:29 p.m. - 2010-05-04
Recent entries:
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