I went from wanting to lose weight for him (and partially me of course) to only wanting to lose weight for me. The exercising and restricting have taken on a familiarity, a comfort that I don't want to release.
He is ignoring me again. His little game that I find so juvenile and pathetic. I don;t care as much. Once I begin losing weight all others things cease to exist. The feeling of hunger and the shrinking flesh make all other things ancillary. I don't care anymore.
I am at that odd point where the thought of sex literally makes me sick. I was watching pron (something I don't do that often, I prefer the written word) and I actually gagged. It wasn't gross at all just the thought made me sick. i don;t want anyone touching me or looking at me. I think it's good that this dude fell off the face of the planet. A higher power is protecting my outer shell.
Hoe could I restrict or exercise if someone was here? Plus I haven't been drinking as a way to control myself and I am actually enjoying it (for now). He would mean the end of my streak. And the possible beginning of sloth and fatness again.
Every day I do the 30 day Shred (Ok it's only been 2 days so far lol) and the past 2 days I have been walking at least a mile home from the grocery store. Tonight I plan to do yoga instead of walking.
Tomorrow I need to buy more minutes for my phone. That store is like 2 or 3 miles away. Maybe I will walk it. Depends on the weather. It's kind of a sketch neighborhood.
8:45 a.m. - 2010-01-22
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