I've been neglecting my diary and I apologize. I am down to 145 from a high of 160 once again. I had 2 pieces of pizza today and some coffee with skim milk. And the vodka I am drinking now to dull the pain of my life. I have been eating less, the hunger pains are still there, I just don't care anymore. I deserve them for being so pathetic. I withstand them. I crave them as punishment. I hate myself now more than ever. How quaint.
I need to be 125. I will be 125. I have never been so low and I must, will, must get there.
I might die without ever having been in love. Or been loved, in that way. I envy so many of you who cannot relate to this.
I smoked 2 cigs today. They were gossip cigs. Standing around and bitching cigs. I got to bond and rant with my co-workers. It's worth the cancer to not be alone.
The guy I like(d) at work gave the the death look today. Its funny cause I gave the same look to his new co-worker yesterday. She is little miss princess i'm-a-slut.
I suck. She blows. I need another drink.
9:08 p.m. - 2004-05-27
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