So much has happened since I last wrote. I moved into a new apt. up in north harlem. 775 for a one bedroom. I have decided that I am leaving New York for a while because I can;t find a better job and I can't afford ot live here anymore. I make 21000 before taxes. Its ridiculous. I graduated from NYU with a good GPA and I'm stuck here.
One of my co-workers, who I eat lunch with occasionally and smoke cigs with, described me as "sucia" (dirty) the other day when I wasn't in the office. I;m not sure if that is in reference to my race (african american) shes puerto rican or just that I'm unclean. Either way I am not pleased.
My new apt, IS dirty however. Its an old building that smells. Peeling paint and stains. I don't feel safe either. At all times during the day large groups of men stand around and yell at women who pass by. They don't work. They don't volunteer. They just stand there leering at people and getting in everyone's way.
My friends refuse to visit me up there. I don't like being there. I spend tons of money on movies, liqour and weed to get me out fo the house or make me forget that I'm there.
Another co-worker asked me why I was so cold. Her reasoning was that I saw her during lunch and said hi but that wasnt enough for her. She said I was running away from her. She is annoying and the thought of spending more than 3 seconds around her makes me want to stab myself. She has a wheezing laugh. I hate her. I told her i didnt have time for her issues and we havent spoken since.
Everything for me is better when I am home in texas. I amt hinner, happier, more popular, prettier. I don't know why, but I know I must go back.
5:19 p.m. - 2004-06-14
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