i am in so much physical pain. it feels like my insides are twisted up. it hurts to breathe, to sit, to stand. every moevemnt is agony. my back hurts as well. i havent eaten hardly anything. not hungry. i made myself eat. no use in starving the child just because im going to have an abortion. perhaps i'm on my way to a miscarriage? who knows. before i knew i was pregnant i did the usual....coke, alcohol, cigarettes, weed, speed, sudafed, caffiene, skipped meals, fell down, starved, binged/purged...how any child could survive that is beyond me. what a sad little life he must be leading. today is his one month birthday. it must hurt so much inside of me. it hurts me to have him here. on the brink of death most likely. i can barely live through this. how could a little one be expected to make it. i wish this was all over. i hate my life os much right now.
8:40 p.m. - 2004-01-14
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