i havent left my romm all day expect to pay for my delevery meal and go tot he batroom. purged once. feeling very low and fat. got drunka nd was very very mean last night. i feel bad kind of but mostly i dont care. i just wish everyone would go away for a while so that i can be alone and do what i have to do. i wish people would update. i miss knowing how everyone is doing. more in the mornign when i am less sleepy. its funny how when someone upsets me I do actually give them the benefit of the doubt. i blame it on weed or alcohol or a misunderstanding. when i get drunk and do something its "un called for" and its obviously malicous. yeah cause drking 8 gin and tonics on an empty stomach leaves you in a malicous and coherant stae of mind. i hate my friends. i refuse to accept this anymore. i repsonded to the "you were uncalled fo email" with the statemt that i dont remeber what happened and i am sorry i pissed my friend off once again. i am through. i have other things to worry about like working (finding a job) and losing weight. its all that matters i hate being so fat. the softer i become emotionally, the softer i become physically.
12:09 a.m. - 2003-07-11
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