yesterday i went over to my friends' apartment and i was just chilling watching one of them play video games. after a while i went into the other room and watched law and order. my other friend and the girl who lives with them were cooking and then they started baking. i was just mellow, trying to relax after a long day. i wasn't upset i was just quiet, observing what have you. apparently my lack of liveliness made my friend feel uncomfortable in his own home. ummm, ok i am about sick of this shit. everytime i do anything its wrong. i'm hyper and ready to have fun, then i dont understand that they are tired and have to work in the morning, blah blah. i am mellow, then i am making people uncomfortable. i am somewhere in the middle, just having a good time, then no one gives a rat's ass what i'm doing or how i feel. great the only way to get any attention is to veer (sp?) from the center which is what i have been trying NOT to do. I share my feelings and i am told that they are retarded. i choose not to share my feelings then i am a bad friend who is shutting people out. ugh i just can't win. Oh great now I have my roommate wanting to tag along with us if we go out tonight. my friends do not like my roommate. i will be stuck in the middle and miserable. but hey who cares as long as everyone else gets to be happy. what the fuck am i supposed to do now? for the love of God sometimes i wish everyone would leave me alone. don't ask me to do things or tell you things when its obvious that you don't want the answer or will be upset by the results. i refuse to tell anyone how i feel anymore because no one fucking cares. i will just wrote it down in my little diaryland journal and give a big fuck you to the rest of the world.
5:05 p.m. - 2003-07-09
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