I realize that I need to take things not just day by day, but minute by minute. My moods shift within 10 minutes or so. This morning, I was enraged for about 10 minutes, frustrated and annoyed at everyone. But it went away. I did not lash out or anything. I just sat quietly and stewed. My emotions are not to be trusted I think.
I am trying to focus on myself for the time being. I feel i am on the cusp of greater self-comfort and understanding. I have been so hard on myself for so long. Bettering myself without the crutches of b/p or alcohol or anything means I have to respect myself for the strides that I have made and the friends I manage to keep even when I am sober and less charming. My writing exists whether I am drunk or not. I am me. All me and I should love me. As crazy as that sounds. I don't want to be 80 years old and still hating myself.
1:19 p.m. - 2014-03-12
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