I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself because boohoo I can't lose more weight/fat even though I work out a lot and blah blah. When duh, I realize, I can't lose weight because I overeat almost every day. I'm whining to myself about my metabolism when I should be thanking it because I should be fatter. I eat when I am not hungry. I do it every day almost. I have all my life. I never dealt with the issues. i covered them with purging, drugs, smoking. Now it's back. I was not hungry at all after dinner and I order Chinese food at like 10 PM. WHAT THE FUCK???!!! I had food and I am trying to save money and I did the worst thing possible for myself. I swear all I do is sabotage myself. I shouldn't be making food the enemy. It makes me rebel and go crazy. Just like exercise shoulf not be a punishment. It's there to make me stronger and healthier. It worked not making cigarettes a treat anymore. At the end of the week I called my cigarette a treat when I was first trying to quit. Now it's nasty thing I don't want. Food is not a treat and exercise is not a punishment. They are parts of life.
Two more weeks til I MOVE!!!
8:41 a.m. - 2011-08-16
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