Fuck the harder I try the more I fucking fail. Since I started working out harder and watching calories and eating right I have gained fat and weight. Since I started being cleaner, i have found just as many bugs and roaches showing it's not me, it's the damn apartment. I came home to one today in fact. I seem broker than ever. I have no friends. My skin is worse, my hair is worse. My clothes suck and I hate everything.
But instead of being discouraged, I am just going to dial it back. Stop trying so damn hard. I am too hard on myself and it is stressing me out. I shouldn't drink every day, yes, but allowing myself only to drink on specified days is challenging and depressing. Keeping down to such a low caloric number is stifling and not helping. I need freedom. Exercising so much is counterproductive for me I guess.
And this interview pissing me off. The guy e-mails me (what no call?) and asks what days I am free. I give him dates. He apparently replied but I didn't get it until today. He never checked to see if I agreed to the time! (I didn't obviously since I didn't know) So whatever. I feel like it wasn't meant to be. Such is life. Plus the job probably paid shit and I wouldn't have gotten it. Annoying though. See applying for jobs so early works against me because I am not in town yet and it's hard to coordinate.
I've worked so hard at my job and gotten NOTHING in return. I have gotten no new awards (except for today) and no thanks. Fuck it, stress isn't good for me. It's the same with school, trying too hard never works.
Just relax. Washed my face and having some wine. Life is OK.
6:33 p.m. - 2011-08-04
Recent entries:
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