I had the worst nightmare last night. That someone broke into my apartment (not my current one but a dream one) and terrorized and raped my roommate (again not my future roommate but a dream stand-in) and me. I was so traumatized that I couldn't sleep again for hours. Then I dreamed of my real new apartment and I was in a bad mood. Very annoying. Quite frankly, I prefer getting these fears and worries out in my dreams rather than in real-life. I am not worried because I will be prepared.
I realized why I haven't been crying even when I am actually, very sad. Because if I did, I would never stop. Even my wacked-out self knows that I can't cry 24 hours a day. Plus it wastes time and does not make me feel better. It's not cathartic for me. It makes me weak and puffy. I still feel happy or sad or angry but I don't react as strongly as I used to. Kind of flat I guess but much more stable.
I am desperately looking for ways to make extra cash. I have found a few ways, mainly selling back books and doing odd projects here and there. At this point every penny counts. My new credit card will offer cash back so I will put some bills on there and then pay it off in full with the cash I have saved up. And I can finally get rid of that terrible credit card made for people with bad credit. A monthly fee, annual fee and low credit limit. But in the end I guess it helped me improve my credit. Time to move on.
I spent last night shredding papers and putting old clothes in bags to donate. Every day I want to do something to get ready to move.
Worked out this morning and I can tell I am getting stronger. I do think taking a day off for rest is a good idea.
Should have done that before. I need to give my muscles time to repair, plus it makes me less cranky. Strength is key.
9:02 a.m. - 2011-07-25
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