Funny funny the more I work out the easier it gets, big duh. I want my body to keep getting stronger and healthier.
I feel like I reached that plateau and wall that I always hit and instead of turning back I barreled right through it. I climbed over it. Instead of being afraid to fail I am now afraid not to try. Try is my power word. I am seriously giving up everything so I can be happy and healthy. My negative friendships, this city, this state, my job, my eating disorder, my school, my anger at my parents. Everything must go. Can I be thin without my ED? That question has scared me for so long. If I can't then I'm afraid I may have to go back. I used to not only fear failure but also success. Ibi succeed then I will just fail again. Why go up when I will go down eventually again. But the falling can still land me higher than I am now. My fave saying is basically "shoot for the moon if you miss then you will fall among the stars" which is astronomically incorrect as the moon is closer than all the stars. And the closest star is the sun and falling into that would kill me.
9:28 p.m. - 2011-06-19
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