God I love being miserable. I push and prod and ruin things until I make myself cry. But honestly I don't actually LOVE or even LIKE being miserable. It's just that I know nothing else and it seems like every time something good happens something awful is sure to follow. So it's an endless cycle. The nest way for me to fix it is to be quiet and alone and stop dealing with other people. At least U can stop the madness even if I still suffer the loneliness. Being lonely is batter than being loathed. ____________ Ugh I was feeling down so I cried in the bathroom but I picked myself up, finished my NYU scholarship app (I already turned in the regular app, this is a separate one for a scholarship) and I am going to mail it out as soon as I leave work. I rewrote the essay so now it rocks, yay! I am craving a fresh mozzarella and tomato sandwich so I should make myself buy actual groceries so I don't waste 6 bucks on one sandwich. If I actually walked to the store I'd love myself but from the post office to the other store is 2 miles and I don't know if I feel that motivated honestly. The liquor store is also on the way. I could just knock out all my shopping at once since I need to buy liquor for Saturday. But I might drink it all by then lol. Hmm we'll see. I think I'm coming into work Saturday so I can get ahead. Plus I have time to kill til I take the bus to Austin. And I can do more of that free training on PhotoShop since no one will be here. I need to go to the library for school tomorrow so I should buy groceries today. If I walk a lot today I won't feel bad for skipping the gym either. Hmm but the Spurs play tonight and I can't miss that! Damn you inconvenient NBA schedule! Shit the game actually starts in 4 minutes and I'm still at work....:-((((((
2:28 p.m. - 2011-02-23
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