OMG reading my old entries is so much fucking fun. It's been over 8 YEARS can you believe it? Below is a copy of my first entry (misspellings and all):
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7:03 p.m. - 2003-01-19
Hello
It's Sunday Night and I am sitting in my dorm room drinking Black Currant vodka and Diet Sprite by myself. Sounds pathetic but I am in bliss. This is my first entry so I will tell you all (Ha! makes it sound like people are out there reading this already) a bit about myself. I am a senior in college in NYC. I am an ardent liberal from Texas. I'm 22, 5'10.5" and Black. I am bulimic. I guess that's enough for now, you'll discover more from my entries I guess. Well let's start with the juicy stuff, the reason why you're probably here. Today I burned almost 1000 calories (983) at the gym today during the 2 times I went (sounds grammatically akward, I know). Please, please hold your applause, I consumed over 2000 calories so I would say the exercise was more damage control than progressive.
I am studying journalism and sociology in school. I am quite ready to graduate. I just made the decision to stay in NYC a few weeks ago and I'm excited and terrified.
I just got back from Africa which was amazing. I had to take Larium pills for Malaria and the most important thing is to not vomit while taking them because they won't work. 20 points to whomever can guess where this story is going. So yesterday I take my pill as scheduled (once a week for 6 weeks) and relax. At around 5:30 I decide that I want Chinese food. I order tons of food from this super cheap and yummy place called Evergreen Shanghai Restaurant. Here is what I ordered:
Qty. Item Price
1 119. Steamed Vegetable Bun $2.25
1 203. Hot & Sour Soup $1.50
1 R6. Vegetable Fried Rice $4.50
1 116. Vegetable Spring Roll $1.30
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Subtotal: $9.55 Tax (8.25%): $0.79 Total: $12.34
(order info from NYCTOGO.com the best thing to ever happen to a girl who hates to talk on the phone. Check it out.)
Mix that with a liter of Diet Sprite and I was good to go. Super easy purge. Fast forward to about 12:30 am and I check my email. Some message about warning signs of malaria. Brain slowly puts 2 and 2 togther. Oh shit. Run and take next week's malaria pill. Now I have to not purge until at least tomorrow although I pray I can go longer than that, and I have to shell out money for another pill. Fuck me for being so stupid.
Let's see what else to say about myself. I've never been to a therapist even though I sorely need one. I think I may be Type 2 Bipolar as well as eating disordered or maybe I'm only depressed. But I function fairly well so I figure why bother (she says while drinking by herself and counting the hours until she can b/p.)
I'm watching the Golden Globes pre-show. Triggering yet asinine. These people are complete morons yet I worship the ground they walk on. *Sigh*
Ok I'll end with the traditional ED stats:
Height: 5' 10.5"
Weight: 140 lbs
LW: 132
HW: 162
Goal weight: 125
Now by looking at my stats you may think "Why this girls not ED because she's a) too heavy or b) too light. First of all I have a fairly small frame and all of my weight collects on my lower body so I am disproportioanl. But most of all I want to say this: Listen people, Ed's aren't just about weight or how other people view you (i.e. as skinny or fat). For me they are about killing the pain and awfulness that lie inside of me. I silence my self-doubt with bingeing and tthen silence the guilt with purging. And with that I bid you adieu.
Forever Yours. PS. I would like to say "Thank You" to Hungry Hippo who inspired me to start this journal. She rocks. All righty. Take Care.
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Awww I had such a blast back in the day. I miss being 140 and in NYC. This year I will go full circle and be back where I was but healthier and happier :-)
1:28 p.m. - 2011-02-10
Recent entries:
- - 2016-03-14
Still alive - 2016-02-14
- - 2015-11-05
- - 2015-10-02
- - 2015-09-09
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