141.
I just vacillate between 141 and 143. I want to be 139. I was for a while but that was due to extreme unhealthiness. My increased workouts and relatively low amount of purging have made me gain but at least I feel healthier.
Even though I have an ED, watching commercials for exercise equipment or diet programs enrage me. They all say "you know as a woman you want to be thin." or "you have to run after those kids!" Fuck you. Men need to be in shape and run after their kids too. Notice I said in-shape NOT thin. I have been thin and I have never been healthy when I was. Until now. But I would describe myself as trim not thin. I have muscles and am strong. I actually look in the mirror and don't hate what I see. there is plenty of flab still but I can see the muscles under the surface and I know that if I keep working out and not going crazy with the food, I will continue to crave the fat away. Plus increase muscle means I can eat and drink more without the guilt. Slow and steady.
But seriously, do men just get to sit and drink beer and be fat and unhealthy while the women bow down to them, rub their feet and watch the kids? Ugh fucking moronic commercials. No wonder little girls like to play "pretend diet."
My portfolio is done so I am mailing it and the rest of my printed NYU app stuff today. The online stuff will be submitted Monday after I re-read my essay and CV one more time. I am nervous but excited.
I'm going to the gym and post office after Law and Order. One of my fave shows ever and I watch hours of it each week. Like 4-5 hours Saturday morning and the same Sunday morning. Then another 3 hours Saturday afternoon of Law and Order: CI. I watch SVU whenever it is on. Basically if I could I'd watch Law and Order 24 hours a day. That plus the Simpsons. Good television right there.
9:58 a.m. - 2011-01-22
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