141.
I purged one more time last night and again my nose started to bleed. But that has always been a sign that I got almost everything out. The force is enough to pop blood vessels in my nose.
On to more interesting things.
I went to sleep finally at like 11:30 PM and work up at 5:30 AM so after trying to get back to sleep, I decided fuck it, and am up drinking coffee and working on my portfolio. I just want to be done with it at this point. If I don't get in, well all the money I've saved can be used to get a boob job, which I desperately want/need.
I am sore all over. I like a workout that leaves me in pain. Today is Pilates this morning and yoga tonight. Tomorrow is yoga in the AM (1 hour) and the gym, Sunday will be Pilates and the gym and Monday is back to the 30-day shred. I watch infomercials about products like P90x and Insanity and wish I looked like them. I need to work out harder. I feel so flabby and lazy.
Debating whether I should go back on OKCupid and try to meet someone. I have a sex buddy so what more do I need than that? Every guy I meet is dumb or just wants sex anyway. Most won't even buy me dinner. I wouldn't want a relationship with anyone who can't hold a meaningful conversation. The last guy I went out with was gross and kept trying to put his hands down my pants. I would not let him and he left and wouldn't stop emailing me. I told him clearly that I was not interested and felt no connection and he still contacted me again. i deleted it and will block him if he bothers me again.
I am not a fucking sex toy. My ex took me to Dave and Busters for my birthday. By "took me" I mean drove me there. i had to pay for myself completely (it was my damn 30th bday! And he took me home and invited himself upstairs and I was drunk and tired so I laid down away from him. Like on the couch facing away from him. He kept touching me so I moved his hand then said I was tired and wanted to go to bed. He leaves and hugs me goodbye and shoves his tongue down my throat. i almost threw up. I never heard from him again after that.
Whatever. Apparently all I am good for is sex. Awesome.
7:18 a.m. - 2011-01-21
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