I've decided my motto for the next year is going to be "of course I can." Seems silly and at odds with my logical nature but I know that I over analyze things and by doing so let my "logic" feed my low self-esteem. Instead of thinking I can never fall in love (or more acurately find someone to love me) I need to think of course I can. of course I can move back to NYC and make tons of money. Of course I can get my PhD. Of course people will realize my awesomeness.
I started that by demanding a raise to 40,000 this year. Against my nature but I did it and I got it. I said of course I can when it came to updating the website and taking over all of our accessibility updates. I did it when I lost 50 pounds this year. I did it when I got to freelance at a paper tons for which tons of people would like to write. I can do amazing things. I just need to stop stopping myself. Self-doubt, however rational, is killing me. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I wasn't so damn smart. Too smart for my own good. Too busy rethinking and overthinking things. Fuck it. I am who I am and who I am is not that fucking bad.
2:25 p.m. - 2010-12-16
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