I feel the black hole coming again. Sinking down into depression. I hate that I try so hard. So fucking hard and it is never, NEVER good enough. I work my ass off on the website (I am NOT a web designer or developer, they are too cheap to hire someone to do it) and all I get is "this is fine." FINE fuck you. Seriously.
At school I work my ass off and talk in class and then on Monday I didn't. I still felt ill from Halloween. And my teacher asks why I'm not talking. When I do talk does she praise me for it? Of course not. I just get scolded for not going above and beyond.
I wrote an entire outline for my group project and got no responses. Not one thank you. But I know they will all use it for their portions of the project.
I work out constantly and starve myself and I am still fat. I've never been in good shape or had a nice toned body. I'm going to have to kill myself trying to ever reach my goal.
I'm a good friend, caring and kind. I bend over backwards for my friends. And when the shit hits the fan, they are nowhere to be found. I have to chase my friend around to give HIM the money for his entertainment center. I offered numerous solutions (FedEx the money, meet him before OR after work all the way by his house.) nothing. So I know he is going to bitch when he doesn't have it. I've offered him gas money to pick me up and he still won't do it. But he'll drive around town looking for wigs like a jackass. What the fuck ever.
I have to listen to everyone complain about whatever is bothering them but if I complain people won't listen. They won't reply to my texts or calls or e-mails. They leave me to suffer. And so I do. I need to learn how to do it in silence. No one wants to hear my shit.
3:13 p.m. - 2010-11-05
Recent entries:
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Still alive - 2016-02-14
- - 2015-11-05
- - 2015-10-02
- - 2015-09-09
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