Just took my three Valerian root and 2 melatonin which is how much it takes for me to sleep. That's only 3 servings of sleeping medication and its herbal so its not so bad. I hate having seemingly permanent insomnia.
Dreaming of all the cute boys who will never want me. It's brining tears to my eyes for some reason. I am sentimental and sloppy right now. Not drunk or tipsy just emotional and annoying.
As I become stronger and more self-aware it sucks that I realize how foolish it is for me to think guys or people would ever really like me. They enjoy picking up the pieces of my life because it makes them feel superior. When I am doing well they ignore me or wait anxiously for me to fail so they can scold and then shun me.
I know better. My god mother always told me what a fat piece of waste I was every since I was 7. She was right you know. Nothing will change that. All I can do is educate myself and try to stop wanting people in my life. Even my mom turned her back on me when my dad tried to kill me.
Apparently a cock is more important than your child. I guess if I was a real daughter she would have cared. Oh well. She is sad now that he found a new vag to stick his cock in. Now she cries on my shoulder. Pathetic.
I owe $170 for that damn entertainment center. It only cost $350 how the fuck is one door in a huge furniture piece nearly half that?
Whatever. It's because the idiots brought it on credit ($350? really? There's two of them and they couldn't afford that) and they have to pay someone to come and fix it because apparently unscrewing a door and replacing it is too hard for them. Ugh fucking A. Well That was my Austin money so it works out that I'm not going.
Of course Omar never contacted me. He hasn't in a week. Lovely how men just leave without saying goodbye or even fuck off.
I hate people sometimes.
Just did some stretching and toning exercises and am greatly looking forward to exercising in the morning. I can't wait to try Level 3 in 8 more days.
Even alcohol isn't as fun to me as working out and restricting. Hunger pangs aren't painful anymore.
9:29 p.m. - 2010-11-03
Recent entries:
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