Counting the hours until I get to leave and head to the mall. I need new pants and new shoes. I wear mine out until they have holes in them and I don't even notice until a rock or stick pokes me in the foot lol.
I've been in a strangely good mood. i assume it's the weather because it is finally starting to feel like Autumn here in Texas and that's my favorite season. I have more energy to walk and move around and the air isn't as oppressive.
I want to get my nails done. It's been months and they look awful. A little treat for myself. I rarely do anything nice and non-abusive for myself.
Feeling almost normal and non-paranoid for once. The more confidence I feel in myself, the better other people treat me I guess. Except when I turn completely psycho and then people fucking love me. So I have to either be perfect and fine or completely damaged for people to give a shit. When I'm perfect and fine I don't need their attention or approval and when I'm psycho I don't want it. When I'm hurting and falling and flailing between those two extremes, is when I need people the most. And that's why they are never to be found.
My goal is to drink today and tomorrow (weekend and Halloween!) and then detox until Thanksgiving. I need to give my liver a rest. Plus it will help me lose weight. I won't even smoke weed cause it makes me binge and I need to rest my lungs too.
I love making plans and to-do lists. The act of crossing things off my list brings a smile to my face. Yes I am a big dork lol.
4:34 p.m. - 2010-10-29
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