I am feeling ambivalent at the moment. My head is swirling with delirious ideas. Perhaps it was all a dream. He acted so nonchalant today. He picked me up for work and we laughed at the idea of his wife killing him for smelling like me when he came home. Inside I cried. He wasn�t even drunk. I was as usual. Luckily I still stopped it from going further. His only comment was to not discuss this with anyone (meaning his wife I presume)
I immediately discussed it with an ex-coworker who is a friend and knows the situation. She asked if it was revenge for his wife flirting constantly with the guy I like even while she was engaged. She didn�t know I liked him, but it made me mad. No it is no revenge, that would be too easy.
I have no good reason except that he made me feel cared about. He would drive 20 minutes from our office to pick me up for lunch on my day off. He would buy me lunch and little presents. He told me that he would do anything for me and made it clear that I am a desirable person. He has given me the confidence to start writing again. I know he would be there for me no matter what. He is smart and funny and kind and wonderful.
And he is also a cheating son of a bitch and I am a dirty whore.
He claims his wife makes him unhappy. She bosses him around and doesn�t compromise. He IS unhappy. I can tell. But that is part of marriage. It�s been 5 months and he has already cheated on her. He needs to figure out what he is going to do.
7:17 p.m. - 2006-03-21
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