I keep eating and eating and eating. I cannot stop myself. I am so ready to get out of this stinking city. It depresses me more everyday.
I went to Duane Reade to buy listerine for my ever bleeding gums and some drano for the tub. It took every ounce of my inner strength to keep from drinking the drano. I couldnt undertsand where the urges came from. I wanted to die so badly that I could barely breathe.
I feel somewhat better now, but will I have to deal with these highs and lows froever? This weekend I went to Boston and was out of control. Screaming at people being wild nad crazy, high as a kite. Two days later I am ready to end everyhting, for no reason really. I feel like I am drowning. Its hard to breathe and I cant stop shaking. I'm terrified.
Off to watch the Oylmpics and my boy Michael Phelps. I dont care if he doesnt win another gold the entire Olympics. He is awesome and I wish him the very best.
8:06 p.m. - 2004-08-16
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