my how time flies. lets see, first and formost i went to the doctor yesterday and i am no longer pregnant. i had the abortion injection and it worked. ic ouldnt bear having to go through the operation too if it had failed. there was this girl in the waiting area with me who got prgnant her first time having sex. her first fucking time. and she seemed so alone. i told her about the pill and injection options and she seemed releived. it was nice ot be able to try and make it as painless as possible for her. i felt so awful. he first time and she had to go through this. i thought the third time was rough but i am older and more equipped to deal with this kind of shit. i wanted to cry for her but it was better to help her as best i could.
in other news i got drunk and had sex with some dude im sure is gay. it was a whim and meaningless. not sure why id di it. i guess i dont place a high value on sex anymore since my "experience" protection was used of course and it sucked cause he couldnt get it up. perhaps its because i have a vagina. or whatever. it was funny though i may have laughed. i just wanted him to leave so i could sleep.
o realzied that the one time i actually got to hook up woth a guy i liked (or not even liked just found attractive) i got pregnant. every single guy ived EVER liked has not liked me back. either they were gay, or in a relationship, or just didnt want me. its depressing which is why ive given up. i never really beleived in love but npw i know its bullshit. even "liking" someone is a load of crap. peopel will only talk to people who fit their physical requirements even if those peoepl treat them like shit and are dumb and crappy. i do the same thing. ugh why cant we all be less shallow? because thats now how we are raised or socialized or whatever. of maybe im just an idiot.
Hello to Blues Eyes thanks for caring. I'm doing all right I hope you are too!
2:29 p.m. - 2004-02-01
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