spending the day crying. really no more depressed than usual. alone in my apt, feeling low as always. im always alone. no one wants me. i am too needy right now. i am fat and gross. weighed myself last weekend. between 152 and 155. disgusting. i am probably more now. i need to control myself. i will feel better soon. it has to get better some how. what the fuck am i going to do? Feeling sad cause ill be all alone for christmas. going home the week before cause thats when i requested and got time off. invited to go home with freinds. now that will mek me feel weird and even sadder. one friend is pissed that i wont go hom with her, yeah that makes me want to change my mind. her parents are in the midst of a yucky divorce like my parents were, just what i wnat to be in the middle of, please....i will go to rockefeller center and the movies and get drunk on baileys and hot cocoa. i have to work the day before and fater christmas, so what the fuck do i care. it doesnt matter anymore really.
5:46 p.m. - 2003-11-16
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