I ate and drank about 2000 cals yesterday and burned about 600 so luckily with my BMR (or is it BRM?) of 1513 cals per day I actually finished under my limit. I feel like a fat piggie though since I am one, but at least I'm starting a trend of working out more an deating less. Dammit i miss going to the gym so much. Waaahhhh! I wanna work out! Saturday is pilates though so I'm psyched. I hung out wiht my friend who I havent seen in 3 weeks and he said he had tons of fun. I felt awkaward and fake, but I guess I can still lay ont he charm. Too bad I don't care anymore, I never thought it would happen but it did. You fuck with me and I will stop caring baout you. I have to protect myself. I switch on a dime (is that even a saying?) and go from loving you too distrusting you completely. Not hatred I never hate my friends even when they fuck me over royally. I get sad, then I get mad, then I get over it. And now I am over it. Everything, the feelings of failure, the abandonment, the friendship. I don't even want to hnag out wiht them now. It seems lieka punishment. But perhaps a few drunken nights can bring us back together. I owe it to myself and to them to try, right?
1:33 p.m. - 2003-07-31
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