I don't want to eat anymore. Not even for the usual reasons of losing weight or fear of b/ping. I don't want to eat because I don't feel I deserve to right now. I need to suffer and this is the easiest way for me. As harmful as b/ping may be I never really saw it as a punishment. It was either a reward or a release; a way to undo the problems I caused in my life.
Right now I feel like everyone around me has turned to ice. Unfeeling and uncaring. Frozen just out of my reach, nothing I can do to unthaw them. I want them to melt around me, hug me, care for me. Instead they coat me in ice, frosty stares, icy retorts. Inside I am burning, full of passion and desire. Red hot longing for anythign and everything. I want to be wanted, needed. I want to inspire those aorund me. But I always do the opposite. I disgust them turn them away. The more I try, the more they stop. So now I want to retreat into my own happy world. Where I am always loved, because I am the only one here. It is time for me to go some place where I'm wanted.
2:02 p.m. - 2003-06-28
Recent entries:
- - 2016-03-14
Still alive - 2016-02-14
- - 2015-11-05
- - 2015-10-02
- - 2015-09-09
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
julymalaise
usb-port
alethia
englishsucks
lisasays
moodswing
fat0free0air
cloudy-night
atwowaydream
silver4
enurta
soon
warpednormal
ecstasia
limes-sugar
hungry-hippo