I am starting to come out of my funk. I have been working so hard and barely sleeping so it's taking a toll. I have also had my period for three weeks s i am exhausted and cranky as fuck.
I am in the middle of studying to qualify for a freelance job. I also applied for another one just in case/in addition to this one. I may end up working like 70 hours a week if I actually manage to get both (either?) of these gigs. But the money would be great and I know that some people work 80-100 hours week. I would be fine since I have no plans to go out any time soon. I am fat and broke and it is freezing. In fact we are about to have a blizzard!
I have been faithfully working out and I can see the effects slowly but surely. I have been following my diet as well. Very simple, stay under 1500 net cals a day. Not crazy like it used to be but when you are used to eating 2500 cals, it's a diet!
I work hard at my job, so no time to pig out anyway.
I have been taking my training very seriously. It can be hard for me to listen to criticism, after how I grew up with a "godmother" who loved to call me fat and stupid and a waste of space. I always turned my critical eye inward and then I turned it outward, very harshly. I need to just learn to roll with the punches. Criticism can be useful and I want to learn from it not get angry or depressed. I don't have to be perfect. It's impossible. I spent most of my life trying to achieve the impossible dream.
I started using black soap, which as a black woman, and especially a back woman whose biological parents were born in Africa (making me both African and American, woohoo) I have been trying to use more natural African products and they work really well for me. I had this awful rash and it itched and burned so bad. Two days washing with the soap and it's 95% gone! I am now hooked!
8:41 p.m. - 2013-02-07
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