I am in the process of washing like a month's worth of dirty clothes. Disgusting. I realize now that I certainly had like a breakdown of sorts. I didn't clean, I drank every day, I barely did my homework or went to class. I neglected everything. I was dirty, drunk and a mess.
I started recovering before this trip, when I poured out my booze. I then spent my time relaxing, sleeping (I hadn't slept over 5.5 hours a night in weeks, even on the weekend). I found myself a littler bit. I even did homework. I came back feeling stronger and freer. Now I have the upper hand in life. Even my roommate couldn't talk shit to me. She knows she would never have the strength to go to another territory by herself where she does not speak the language. She would be scared. I was scared but I did it.
I see now that I've always had this strength inside. I just let ear rule my life. Instead of hope. Instead of pride. I just let myself fall. I am not a victim, I am not weak. I deserve better than this.
9:05 a.m. - 2011-12-13
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