I am annoyingly busy. Like ridiculously so. I have to start on my freelance jobs tonight. I will be up until 1 or 2 I guess. And up by 9 and then more homework, then laundry. Then uptown Manhattan by 1 PM until 2:30 PM then registration at 3:30 PM and I need to go to the Health Center and then the gym and THEN homework. When will I breathe???
I am learning so much about myself right now. I have been reading my horoscope and it says things are tough (duh). They have been since 2009 and will be through 2012! I am learning to do less with more and have no money or support. This time is meant to make me tough. It makes me tough and sad and basically hate everyone haha. But I have learned to finally stop giving a fuck what people think about me. Like when my professors act like assholes and get personally offended when people don't agree with them. Like today i had a presentation (with the 2 people who were lazy as fuck and vetoed my ideas about MY chapter) so I rushed through my summary and the professor got pissy about one of my conclusions. She disagreed with me vehemently and in front of the whole class tired to make me look stupid. I calmly reiterated my point and went on. Fuck her. She is pissed because she literally wrote (well compiled and edited) the book she is making us read (and buy, more $$$$ for her!) So me disagreeing with her view of the book is automatically wrong. No critical thinking, no different interpretations, Just right (her) and wrong (me or anyone who may disagree with her random conclusions.)
Instead of feeling bad, like I now don't care. Like I know grades are important and by not caring I mean I won't freak out if I get a B+ instead of an A. But my opinion isn't automatically wrong just because I disagree with the professor. I am 31 years old! I have experience and my opinion matters. How dare these people try to quiet me down. Fuck them. I am a student for a reason. I want to learn but also to learn for myself. I want to grow my mind and not just parrot back what I have been told to think.
Also, I don't succumb to the pressures my friends place upon me. Want me to get high, can't tonight I have homework. Want me to go to a bar and get wasted? Sorry I have my internship tomorrow. Want me to skip the gym and pig out instead? Sorry that doesn't make me happy.
I went to the gym today and I can feel how I am getting stronger and happier and healthier. I don't think I've lost weight or fat but I feel better and less stressed. And I don;t care what people think about how I dress or my makeup. It's my life and I live it for me.
Now back to homework, freelance work and whatever else is keeping me going.
9:29 p.m. - 2011-11-01
Recent entries:
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