I am sitting here in my mom's hotel room in D.C. stressing out about school, internships, life, etc. I realize that throughout my life, I have become a jack-of-all-trades, master of none. I can write OK, I know a bit about communications, a bit about non-profits, a bit about even planning, etc. BUT I am not an expert at ANYTHING. So I am sitting here, trying to do my homework and I am lost. I have little background in communications theory, etc.; I studied journalism and sociology as an undergrad. So all of the texts we are reading are completely foreign to me. I am looking up half the words on a page! It takes me forever and I am not learning anything because I don't have the knowledge base to understand it. However, I do know that not everyone has studied communications before. There are Art History majors, other journalism majors, etc. So I am not alone. It just sucks when it takes me so long to do something so simple. Just read the info and write a short paper. But if the info is seemingly in another language, well then it sucks.
My internships require a lot of specialized knowledge too. I do know a bit about grant writing, but again it's only a BIT. Not a lot, just some. So I need to teach myself the ins and outs of that. My other internship is about human trafficking and child slavery. A worthy cause of course, but I know nothing about it. I need to become an expert VERY quickly because I am supposed to be one of the leaders. I am very nervous. I don't want to look like an idiot.
So I need to better organize myself. I cannot waste more time playing online (I mean like ever again) or watching videos or being to high/drunk to work. I need to focus and use my time wisely. I CAN learn this and do this but I have to give myself the tools to succeed. I cannot lose these great opportunities before I even start. Instead of being discouraged, I will use this as motivation. I wanted this and I won't let anything stop me from being the best I can be!
In other news, I worked out today and plan to hit the gym again right now and do some more reading. My pants are too tight and my stomach is fucking huge and I feel gross.
4:04 p.m. - 2011-09-19
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