I feel tired today but such is life.
Got a return call about my resume. I have to call the lady back during my lunch hour. Guess I need to find a quiet place to sit down and chat with her a bit.
Need to finish updating my OK Cupid so I can meet some decent guys. Must decide whether to go out with the dude who asked me.
I weighed myself after like 3 or 4 weeks. Around the same weight, which is good since I gained SOOOO much the past 2 weeks. I can tell it has started to go down again.
I have to quit my job in 2.5 weeks. I am already nervous. Even though I HATE it here. It's more that it means that this is real and I have to leave. Although I have already ended my lease and signed a new one and enrolled in school and booked my flight, etc haha. It is real already. I have no friends here at work or in the city so why should I stay? I don't want to. I am actually REALLY excited to go. Like really excited. Wow now I feel better. I just had to remind myself of how excited I am. Good grief I am terrified and excited at the same time. I have never done something like this; make a major move just for myself with no help from anyone. When I went to college in NYC (by myself) at least my parents were giving me money and I was secure in a dorm and I knew that if anything happened I could go home again (which I spent half of the first semester dying to do). Now if I fail, where will I go? I have no friends here so I can't come back. If I move back home or even just to my hometown I am a failure. I can't take moving to ANOTHER new city by myself again. I have to make this work. All my eggs are in the proverbial basket. And there is no reason for me to go. I have a decent life here: money, school, a good place to live. I am going because I WANT to. I DO. Just for me. It seems almost selfish but...but...I NEED to do this for myself. I can't stand to think I will be looking back and sad about what could have been. I have to do this. I am disgustingly depressed right now for no reason at all. I think it's because after drinking every day for two weeks I stopped for the past 3 days. Every thing is going well but I feel shitty. Booo alcohol withdrawal. I am so scared and nervous and feel I just feel like if I fail my life is over. I am 30 and have nothing. No husband, or boyfriend or kids or savings or anything. I suck. If I died today what would I have to show for my life? Ugh so annoying. Hmm weird. My coworker randomly e-mailed me to say he likes my (checker board) shoes. I haven't emailed him in MONTHS. I am so over it. Whatever, I am tired. I am so stressed and nervous I didn't even eat all my food today. Great. I guess I can eat it tomorrow? Will it still be good??
10:09 a.m. - 2011-07-27
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