I feel like I should be sad but I don't cry anymore. I used to cry all the time. I tried to cry today over sadness that I seem to be gaining weight. But I just sat there and figured I should try harder. It's great that I don't fly off the handle, but I feel empty inside.
It's like I've found a natural lithium and I am wading under water. But it's for the best. I can't keep crying and cutting and wanting to die. Too bad I have been b/ping once or twice a week now. Must stop that. I think I need to ease off the long bouts of exercise and stick to the shorter, higher intensity stuff. Burns more cals more quickly and doesn't make me want to binge, which rids me of the need to purge. One step at a time. My health does really matter to me.
3:40 a.m. - 2011-07-23
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