I cried after working out today.
Because I completed the one level of 30 day shred that I never thought I could. Level 2 isn't even the highest level but the plank moves and shoulder exercises were impossible to me. I finally did it today. The whole thing, without using the modified, easier moves.
I was shocked. I didn't think I could do it. I was feeling stronger and energized today but I did it. Every lift, using the weights, everything. I feel so great.
Last night I was sad because as much weight as I've lost, I have a lot of fat to go. None of it goes to my boobs, my stomach is huge. I sit down and I have rolls, actually rolls of fat and skin . It used to be so much worse though. It is improving and I won't give up no matter what.
I am working on not looking at the pictures on TV or in the mags, of ladies with thin legs and big boobs and long, straight hair. That will never be me. I can be beautiful if I embrace who I am. I do like my ass (it could even be bigger, I wouldn't mind) and I like my legs when I can see the muscle, so they don't need to be skinny, just lean and toned. I am learning to emphasize the good part about myself. I am learning to love myself and be beautiful. Ugh this dumb bitch who started working here is a typical whore. I have been nice to her and talk to her (or try), smile in the halls, all that shit. And she ignores me to flirt with the two guys that work here. Even though she is married. She walks right by me and goes up to them and giggles and acts like an idiot. But that is the San Antonio, TX way, the men are number one and the females are trash except when the service the men. It is infuriating. I hate it here!!! Every woman in the office does it. Pathetic. I can't wait to tell them I am moving back to NYC and look at their loser faces while they contemplate how pathetic and empty their lives are. They want to be the coolest person in the office. The office of like 12 people! It's so lame. They puff up their chests when they send a fax I swear. I hate dumb, ignorant and classless people. And I'm certainly not the classiest broad around. At least I know I'm not hot shit. Which by the way, hot shit sounds disgusting. How is that a term of awesomeness? In the past 2 years give or take I have raised my credit score 180 points. It was EXTREMELY low, due to my irresponsibility and negligence, but thanks to my mother's financial help, and my lack of drug use, I am getting to a good point. Also, I hate work haha.
8:42 a.m. - 2011-06-28
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