I actually am kind of looking forward to working out every day. I am starting to enjoy it. The burn, the ache of my muscles, and seeing myself increasingly toned when i look in the mirror.
My weight has hit a total plateau. I expected it because this workout plan is known for not taking off the pounds but taking off inches instead. The gain in muscle negates the loss of weight on the scale. I do see my body fat percentage is dropping (if I can trust my scale. I need new batteries).
This is usually the time when I would give up, slip back into my old ways. Days and weeks of work seeming to amount to nothing, with more days and weeks to come. But I won't because this isn't a diet plan, it's a life plan. I need to be healthy and I should be working out every day because it is good for me. I won't sell myself short like I usually do. It's funny, every time I do that I look back and see how close I was to success before I gave up. What the fuck is wrong with me, I swear? I sabotage myself so much. But not anymore. I don't have little angle-demons on my shoulder, whispering in my ear that I should just relax, not workout, not do my homework, not go to work, have a drink, do some drugs (some friends, huh?) All I have is myself and my need to succeed.
It's funny how when i am doing OK, no one comes around and wants to talk to me. But when there is a crisis or I am going off the rails, everyone comes around. i guess I'm only lovable when I'm a loser? I don't want anyone to try to catch me anymore. I don't want to keep falling.
9:10 a.m. - 2011-05-26
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