I finally realize that most of the bad shit going on in my life or that has gone on is because I put my friends before myself or let them influence me.
Now that does not mean it is their fault. Of course not, I am an adult and chose this path. The path i chose is wrong.
I do fee angry about how much they derided me for trying to branch out and make new friends, how they yelled at me when i had a boyfriend and told me how selfish i was or spending time with his and not them. mind you they all do the same thing but expect me to tag along like their dog when they go on dates. Assholes.
They got mad when i finally lost weight after mocking me for eating so much and laughing about how big my ass was. They started trying to shove food down my throat. And they'd feed me alcohol until i made a fool of myself and then laugh at me the next day. They try to get me to skip classes and work so I can be at their beck and call. They made fun of black people constantly.
Funny enough this is two different groups of people who acted in similar ways.
So now I am alone and friendless and I feel happy. I know how busy I am going to be this summer and I will not want or have time to see them. I am leaving and need to sort and pack and throw things away. I plan to volunteer and join clubs and freelance I hope. I need to apply for scholarships. So much to do. Productive positive things. I am tired of spending all my money on booze and coke when i go out with them. I am forced to give these idiots money (well no gun to the head but I still remember being TOLD that my friend needed money and she drove me to the ATM to get some for her. Fucking bitch.)
I may be alone but I am with he only true friend have, me.
8:55 a.m. - 2011-05-09
Recent entries:
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