I actually did homework last night and did some reading on the bus today. I need to make it a routine to do homework every day. That's how I was lats semester and it worked out well for me. I am definitely going to be swamped and I already have to start thinking about my thesis even though I don't graduate for over a year.
I have been working out a lot and still seem to be getting stronger in some regards (I can hold my plank for longer, I can do more push-ups) My stomach is flatter than it's been in years. I believe it is that waist trimmer because it holds my abs in the correct position when I do my Pilates and other stomach exercises. It does make my stomach sweat but how would that make me thinner? I'd just gain the water back when I drink some juice or whatever. The form and the back support are why I like it. And for whatever reason my stomach hurts less when I where it too.
My goal is to really be driven and motivated this semester. I want to prove to myself that I am not over the hill and these damn head-nodding whippersnappers are not better than me. I don't want to be someone's inspiration, I want to be their rival.
I've started to accept my fate, as one who is always alone, unloved and uncared for. It is a lonely existence but I don't think i could survive any other way. I do think about how I wasn't really meant to be on this earth anyway so I should not expect anymore from life than what I can grab myself.
Work is ridiculous. I am supposed to be working with this chick on this proposal and she hasn't done shit and now she is out the rest of the week. So I will be doing all of it I guess. Fucking bullshit. And my boss just keeps giving me more work to do because she's a fucking cunt.
I have been trying to focus my energy on exercising, work and school. No partying, no guys, no food obsessing. It's the beginning of Lent. So I guess I will not let myself smoke at all, even one cigarette, no drinking by myself, and no getting drunk (I can still drink or get buzzed I guess. Just no out of control-ness) Yeah I'm not Catholic so I am just making stuff up.
10:50 a.m. - 2011-03-09
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