153.4 and I am going insane.
I sleep less than 6 hours a night even on weekends. I survive on cigarettes alcohol and coke. I am pushing everyone away. Who can save me? No one. So I smile and nod and hold my breath. I grow lovelier and sadder. I push people as far as I can to see whether they will come back to me. They always do. It's sad really. They don't see my insanity. They only see ow I make them feel. The lighter side of me. I don't even apologize much. I just make excuses and make peeace offerings. So little is know about me. I make people feel good about themselves until I don't. But that feeling of euphiria is enough to let me get away with murder, just to bring me back. It isn't love they feel towards me or even kindness. I am like a drug.
23.4 pounds to go and maybe I'll start loving myself again. Or have I ever.
9:24 p.m. - 2010-07-14
Recent entries:
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Still alive - 2016-02-14
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