Awoke at 12:30 am to a random text form my coworker about some movie he had offered to lend me. He sent it at 11 PM and apologized for the lateness of it. Really? What an odd text and odd time to send it. I replied and said I wanted to see the movie and said that while I had been asleep I was now awake. No response. Perhaps my message was stupid or maybe (doubtfully) he was asleep. He always says he stays up until like 2 or 3 in the morning. So he ignored me which sucks.
In more important news I am back down to 163. I need to be under 160, I can't take it anymore. I hope by the 25th I guess. All I want to do is get high and b/p so how that's going to help me reach my goals, I don't know.
The next MENSA meeting is next Friday. i really need to go. Last month I forgot completely. SO much so that I had bought some wine and was halfway through the bottle before it even occurred to me. I want to be around people who are smart like me and possibly have similar feelings of failure and self-loathing. It is said that the smarter you are the more depressed because you see and understand how shitty the world actually is. Delusion is not an option. So I can see how much of a fat loser I am; I see how bad things are for minorities and women in this world; I see how unlikely it is that a life after this one exists. But perhaps what I see isn't the truth? It is possible to be too "smart" for your own good.
7:34 a.m. - 2010-06-11
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