Let's see.
Tuesday was my 28 birthday and once again I had a horrible, shit-filled piece of fucked-up shit birthday.
Went to Austin to see K. After he had come over for the weekend to meet my mom. Came over at 4 AM and woke her up and we chatted and dozed and watched TV in my room while my mom slept on the couch. she INSISTED on sleeping on the couch, ever the martyr. I fell asleep on the couch to try to force her into my room and my bed. She woke me up angrily and forced me to go to bed.
So K came and we all went to the zoo and out to lunch. A lovely time, Momma said he seemed "sweet on me." I said he better be.
So they fought over the bill at lunch, a typically main street kind of scene. ridiculous and fake as i know. They laughed about how I am spoiled and have nothing to offer; not gas money, not lunch money. Nothing. i laughed and said I offer my company. inside I cried.
So my birthday I decided to go to Austin to see K. Ignored my own friends who are useless anyway. K leaves me at the greyhound station for an hour. I called at 5:24 he came after i called again at 6:15; arrived at 6:30. He bitched at me for not calling. WTF asshole piece of shit asswipe bastard? I called and you answered and said you were coming. Then he bitched at me for "sulking". I hated him already. But i didn't yell.
So we go to eat at some Chinese buffet. Not what I wanted of course. Screw my b-day I guess. I drink to feel better. We go to his place and he proceeds to do his homework. His back to me. Pissed that I ask for his attention. I get drunk, buy some beer, finally yell at him,. throw a beer and take off at 1 AM after he goes to sleep. I try to wake him to lock his door. He ignores me as always.
What a waste a a birthday. Money spent that I cannot afford. Time wasted that I will never get back. Tears spent that won't go back into my eyes. What a waste of a life.
He says he loves me. He doesn't even know what that means. He is disgusting and I hate him. I sometimes wish he would kill himself out of disgust for how he treats me. That makes me awful I know. But he has let me down in every way possible. all I wanted was a happy birthday.
Sweet 28. Finally here. Sylvia Plath died at 29. Let's see if I make it that long.
10:41 p.m. - 2008-10-11
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