I have been very good this weekend. Not getting so drunk that I am hungover and vomiting the next day. Not eating tons and tons and not freaking out about everything.
I had a dream about married guy last night where he told me he was getting divorced and that he wanted to be with me. What the fuck is that? That will never happen and he is crazy. I can't wait to move out of this city so that my subconscious will finally get the drift. Like when I am awake I do not want to be with him. But apparently my sleeping pills are stupid.
Mr. match got me flowers for valentines day. They were delivered to my office. Nice. He came over the night before and we had sex. I was not into it at all. It's a shame because I asked him to come over and I realized I was not feeling it. But I still wanted to have sex. I dunno, confusing I guess. I'm in one of my not-attracted-to-anyone moods.
So we were supposed to hang out this weekend but Friday he refused to come over (tired he said), Saturday I decided to go to the movies instead of hanging out with him (I saw Volver it was great!) And today we were to go to dinner but he cancelled.
Wanna know why?
His ex-wife's grandfather is in the hospital. So he drove to San Angelo (we live in san antonio) to be there. He claims he is like his own grandfather blah blah blah. And yes most of mr. match's family has passed away, parents, siblings etc. But I wonder how he found this information out in the first place. Did she call him? He drops everything to drive over there? Whatever. This is never going to work out. Why do I keep trying? Fear of failure? Fear that I truly will die alone? Who knows.
11:09 a.m. - 2007-02-18
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