Things seem to be standing still. I want them to get better. I try to make things better and I fail every time.
I called mr.match Thursday night to see if he wanted to go to the movies today. No answer, no call back. I called him last night and reached him as he walked in the door. He said he was free after 2 pm after "checking his schedule". Whatever. We made plans and I let him go about his evening.
I e-mailed him today with two movie options with times: either Pan's Labyrinth at 4:15 or Children of Men at 5 pm. He chose Pan's.
So I e-mail him back and say, "great I will call you in a bit." I call around 1:30 and leave a message. I take a nap and end up awaking at 3:45. I have no heard from him. He calls minutes after I awake, saying that after he e-mailed me he ran some errands and left his phone at home. He said we could rush to make the 4:14 movie or see the next showing at 6:55 PM. I was taken a back but too tired to know what to do. I pondered it and he rather snottily asked if I had other plans for the evening. I paused and said "ummm, noooooo" and made plans to see him later. He cheerily said he would pick me up at 6 pm.
After fully awakening, I was pissed. If I were one of his friends he wouldn't pull this shit. To make plans for a certain time, then knowingly go out, and break them is incredibly rude. He wouldn't call his buddy and say, "hey we made plans but I went shopping so let�s go later." Fuck no.
I texted him and said I just realized I am unavailable to see the movie this evening and told him to have a good night. Not angry just to the point. He replied and said, "ok have a good night too."
I fucking hate him.
Why do I put up with this? I don't know. I am pathetic it seems. I have tired all means of dating and end up with shit. I cancelled match today. I had 3 weeks left. It's useless because it's all the same.
In better news, I am on track to save my goal of $5000 within the next 12-13 months so that I can move back to NYC. I miss big city life so much. I hate it here. I am meant for more than this. I have to think that is why I keep failing in my personal life.
I am tired of crying every damn day.
I am going to see Pan's Labyrinth by myself tomorrow. Fuck mr. match. Nobody can kill my love of good film.
5:07 p.m. - 2007-02-03
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